Questionable Content
by Wind Lane
Summary: A census taker with a hidden agenda? Perish the thought!


(A/N) Titled with apologies to Jeph Jacques. I tend to enjoy amusing puns and plays-on-words for my titles and this just fit too well. Besides, reading his comic you'd think it'd be called Questionably Content with how little those folks seem to find peace of mind. Questionable Content is a fun comic, read it, as long as you're old enough. (It's not adult, more PG-13 with the language and subject matter.)

Disclaimer – Datclaimer, Doseclaimers, Anyoldclaimersatall, It's all boils down to me saying I won't go around trying to sell this stuff or say it's all my idea. Do I look like Bob Haney or Bruno Premiani to you? (If you can answer that, get out of my hydrangeas and stop stalking me.)

Questionable Content

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Raven stirred from her nap, wondering what had woken her. Another sharp set of raps against her door gave her the answer she wasn't finding. She stretched to get that last bit of comfort from her sleep and to finish waking up; dinner must be ready.

She cracked her door open, planning to ask what they were having, but only got out the first word as she stared at Beast Boy. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a white button-up shirt, and a vest. There was also a clipboard in one of his hands and a pen in the other, ready to write on the page.

"Hello miss…" He looked down at the clipboard. "…Raven." Looking back up again. "I'm going door to door performing a survey in this neighborhood and I wonder if I could have a few minutes of your time."

"Uh…"

"I promise to be brief. We're just polling people in this area to get a general feel for the population. May I come in?"

She was flummoxed. She knew she wasn't dreaming, but Beast Boy was acting in a way that was extremely strange, even for him. She wasn't ready to trust him yet, though. "You can go ahead and ask your questions right here."

"That's fine, ma'am. The first couple are just for purposes of properly sorting the data. Age?"

"Seventeen." He scribbled on the paper. She knew he already knew, but decided to play along for now.

"And this is your place of residence?"

"Yes." He hadn't smiled yet. He had the poker face of a two year old, so this likely wasn't something he was doing as a prank or just to get a laugh.

"How long have you lived here?"

"Almost four years." It looked like he really was writing down the answer too.

"This last question is completely optional and will not affect the rest of the questionnaire should you choose not to answer it. What is your ethnicity?"

Raven smirked. "Mixed lineage."

He ticked a box on the page and flipped to the next sheet. "These next few questions constitute the focus of the poll. Please answer candidly and honestly. On a scale of one to ten, one being not at all likely and ten being definitely, would you go on a date with Beast Boy?"

He still wasn't smiling. He was just standing there patiently waiting for an answer. "Five?" He barely reacted; just made a mark on the page and went on to the next question.

"These next few statements use the same scale as that question. Don't worry about providing the most thought out response and just answer as soon as you are able. Going to the mall to window shop would be fun."

He looked up again, completely unfazed. His composure was cracking hers. "Three."

"A trip to the zoo where my friend would show off."

"Four." She was starting to suspect something.

"Going to a movie is enjoyable."

"Seven." She was becoming certain.

"A calm walk through a park or garden."

"Eight." And the more questions he asked…

"I prefer to eat at fancy or expensive places."

"Two." …The less apprehensive she was about it.

"I prefer to eat at places that are quiet and secluded."

"Six." He still hadn't broken character yet.

"If I enjoyed myself, I would be willing to suggest what should be done on future dates."

"Nine." It was impressive.

He flipped another page. "These last few questions are to get a little bit better insight into some of your answers. Again, just answer as soon as you're able, they don't require anything too thought out. What sorts of movies do you enjoy?"

"Noir, classics, and anything that's very well made." She couldn't help the smile as he wrote down her answers.

"What were the last three restaurants you enjoyed eating at?"

"The Pizza Shack, Italiano Antonio, and the café on 7th." Only Beast Boy could come up with something like this.

"When you do accept an invitation to a date, what day of the week and time of day do you normally suggest?"

"Monday or Tuesday after six." Weekends were always busy in their line of work.

"This final question is a restate of the first of this main section. On a scale of one to ten, one being not at all likely and ten being definitely, would you go on a date with Beast Boy?"

Raven's ghostly smile floated on and off as she considered. "Ten."

He made a tick on the paper. "Thank you ma'am. We'll be using this data in the coming weeks to do our best to improve the quality of life in this area. Thank you again for answering the poll and have a nice day."

Raven was going to ask Starfire if she could borrow that sweater they both liked next Monday when she heard knocking again. Since she was already out in the hall she turned around to see Beast Boy at Robin's door.

When Robin answered, Beast Boy launched into the same spiel he'd just given her. She stood there wondering if he really had cracked when his first focus question came.

"On a scale of one to ten, one being not at all likely and ten being definitely, would you lend Beast Boy money so he could take Raven on a date?"

Raven silently laughed to herself as she got back on her way to Starfire's room. "You still have to actually ask." She called over her shoulder. She saw the slightest hint of a smile as she rounded the corner.

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(A/N) Got the idea for this at about three or four A.M. It's not that I was restless, that's just when I'm at work. Graveyard does have the benefit of giving you time to let your thoughts wander. I really like this idea; it's still making me laugh even after I've written it.


End file.
